When my Notebook started Crying

I have this journal for more than two years now but I didn’t give it a second read. As the music of the rain started playing outside, I made myself warm and cozy under my blanket and grab the journal under my pillow. I opened the first page and what’s written is, ” I have a Perfect Life.”

“I have a perfect life. I feel so loved and adored by the people around me. In our school, the guards will greet me Good Morning everyday with a smile on their faces.

I have a perfect life. I have found the ever supportive and the greatest friends in the world.

I have a perfect life. Everyday is the best day ever.

I have a perfect life. I am so blessed.

I have a perfect life.

I have a perfect life. One friend was betraying me all along. Considered me as a rival, as an enemy. Has been stabbing my back all this time. Has been making up stories.

I have a perfect life. All the people I love are fighting over the smallest things and what’s supposed to be amazing turned to something hateful.

I have a perfect life. The guy I imagined my future with left me all of a sudden without leaving a reason why.

I have  a perfect life. That friend that loved me sincerely, died.

I have a perfect life. I forgave that friend who betrayed me. Considered his reasons. Give him my whole trust again. Apologized for no reason because I believe he’s worth my pride.

I have a perfect life. All the people I love was glued together again.

I have a perfect life. Time healed my wounds.

I have a perfect life. My friend destroyed my trust and stab me from behind once again. He betrayed me again. Now, he has the whole class on his back. I have them all against me. I’m all by myself.

I have a perfect life. My pillows were there just as when I needed something to lean on.

I have a perfect life. They all started fighting again.

I have a perfect life. Every night my cries blend with the silence of the dark. Facing the side of the wall from my bed, afraid for my tears to be seen as it shimmers in the dim.

I have a perfect life. The person who said he doesn’t want me hurt, hurt me.

I have a perfect life. The person who said he doesn’t want me to cry, made me cry.

I have a perfect life. The person I thought I could run into, turns out to be the one I’m running from.

I have a perfect life.”

I have a perfect life. The coldness that felt like a thousand knives to stab me doesn’t hurt anymore. The perfect life I have taught me to be tough. Then I realized, my being tough, is my being numb.

I have a perfect life. Or did I? I always thought my life is perfect because I always focus on the good side of everyday despite of everything that happened. But sometimes, I just think it is because I already get used to all the heartbreaks and the tears. The shattering and the pain.

Sometimes, I only think it’s perfect because the pain is already normal to me.

Still, I’m holding on to that little brittle of hope that everything happens for a reason. I have a perfect Life.

Daily Prompt: Reach

<a href=”https://dailypost.wordpress.com/prompts/reach/”>Reach</a&gt;

<a href=”https://dailypost.wordpress.com/photo-challenges/fun/”>Fun!</a&gt;

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Dreams Apart

I glanced outside the window and watched the beautiful typical scenery. Bunch of kids are outside playing outdoor games and riding bikes. Friends happily chatting, trees standing very green. Mothers passing by with grocery bags in their hands and it all happened beneath the sky ceiling. What a wonderful world I’m living in. Then it strikes my head, if we really are alone in this universe, why are we? Isn’t it possible that the two of us exists somewhere else?

Couples living in from both ends of the world could be having the hardest time being in a long distance relationship. Being miles apart and yet can’t do anything when they misses each other so bad. One is sick and the other can’t take care of him. Spent holidays and anniversaries apart, and in times they have been together and have to get separated again everything becomes misty and the only thing that reminds them that they’re true are photographs and souvenirs. Then if they met again, there would be no single minute that one hasn’t thought or worried of losing the other one at the end of the day.

Long distance is hard but it’s possible. The only thing that’s keeping them apart from each other are miles of distance. Miles separating you apart is hard enough, how much more if you’re universes apart? It is common knowledge that we only have one universe but for me we have two.

One, is above those skies and the other, lies beyond our minds.

That’s where he lives. In the second universe. Inside my mind. In my dreams. That’s how we’re separated. Being dreams apart is the hardest, the barrier between the two of you is the fact that you’re not real. The fact that we’re both existing, but there’s no “us.” The fact that all that’s going on are just wishes.

So sometimes that I want to be with him his presence in my thoughts is enough to find consolation. His imaginary hug is all the warmth I’m ever going to need during the freezing rainy days. Talking to the moon is the only way I find to communicate with him.

And at times I’m choking back sobs the only thing I can do is to wish him to have an amazing day whenever mine is not.

Journey

Lone Tree on Cemented Pavements

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On my way home I found this tree from the corner of my eye and it just amazed me of how beautiful this tree is, standing alone in the midst of cemented pavements and tall buildings. As I look around, my mind created pictures of how this tree was supposed to be in a grassy meadow beneath the golden sun, instead it is standing very green in the middle of a city in a modern age. It is like a past visited the future or a present with a hint of the past. And what it meant to me is how this tree could remain tall even if every thing around it turns gray.

Opposites

If the Thunder roars, growl back.

You could see the beads of sweat trickling down his temple and his eyes move quickly as if checking on everything. He balled his fists tightly and gulped once, but despite of it he looks normal like nothing bothers him. However, what’s inside his chest is a raging storm and Every beat of his heart sounds like a thunder roaring. Worries encircle him but he managed to battle that negative thought.

Inside our strong exterior are mini versions of ourselves from a boat on a raging ocean of pain, fear, worries and disheartenment. There may be reasons to be scared; we might fall and we might drown. Sometimes the thunder bellows and give us the fright or how big the mouth of the waves are. It made us physically and emotionally drained, made us hopeless and restless. There will always be instances and reasons to be down and to lose hope. It’s okay. We can’t avoid those as we can’t avoid the disasters from coming but we must never be discourage.

In the midst of snarling waves, we should have the will to keep holding on and not be carried away with the splash. Beneath the dark horrific skies we must picture a sunny day above the glittering ocean at the back of our minds to inspirit us that we can survive. That there are colors remained even if  it’s just imagination.

If you knew it already that the sea will engulf you, do not drown yourself more. Swim away then gasp for air. If your surroundings bury you to the ground, dig yourself up. If you’re worried, do not be discouraged. You’ll scare yourself more, instead, scare them back.

Island

A Lone Tree.

I am on my way home from school,beads of sweat trickles down my neck because of the burning sun above me. My eyebrows are knitted and my face could totally tell how tired I am of all the work I have yet to do. Sometimes I am on the verge of giving up from walking this far everyday, from all the works they put on my shoulders, from everything. Then, from the corner of my eye I saw one of the most beautiful things I have ever seen. A picture that tells a thousand words. A painting that tells a beautiful past, an inspiring story. A Lone Tree.

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I have been walking this way home ever since. With all the cars that drives this way everyday, of all the people that walks with me, of all the thoughts that run my mind, I haven’t notice this tree before. But now, I appreciate it despite of a tiring day and the hot weather where I am like walking in the desert, I have found a fountain of hope.

When I saw this lone tree, I looked at my surroundings. I am in a civilized place where there are tall buildings, cemented houses, cars passing by and teenage girls who talk about their crushes. But instead, what I saw are tall grasses that turns into gold as the sunset was close. There are no cars or buildings, just a lovely meadow that looks golden because of the sunset. It is like autumn. And in the far end is where the tree is standing- and it is not alone. In both of its sides are trees that made it three in total.  The trees look so peaceful. Until the tree from the right was cut down by men to be sold in the market, the other was cut down too. And the tree in the middle remained standing.

I know the tree is still young, but that is what I picture in my mind while looking at it. The lone tree is the last one standing. I am not going crazy here. What I meant is when I looked around the tree was surrounded of a modern age where the ground is cemented instead of a grass and the tree is like the only natural thing. It is like a picture of a past visited the future or the present with a hint of the past. It is like standing after all the changes you went through. It is like remaining tall after every one around you surrendered, after every one has left. It is like the toughest to be the last one standing

Can you also appreciate the beauty of this lone tree in the midst of changes? Can you also stand alone with your head held high in the crowd of similar people?Can you also be tough? Can you also be unique and live with it?

Because a Lone tree can still make it to  look beautiful and green even if everything turns gray.

Hello.

While I was cleaning my room, I found all the letters I recieved from my sixteenth birthday. Those brought back the memories; the singing, laughters, jokes and- our dance. I finished packing all the boxes then I climbed up the roof with all the letters in my hand.

Reading all of it made me smile, I never thought I had so many friends that loved me. Then your letter fell on my lap.

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While reading it, I can’t help but realize how much I probably meant to you- before.

You were my man in our play, it is where I know we started. You asked me my name which you have written at the back of my notebook. One night it rained, you took off your shirt and covered my head. I still have the scarf you wrapped around me when I was soaked from the rain. We danced together in the rain under the song of Mariah Carey’s Angel’s Cry. Then I remembered about him. Your bestfriend.

He who I was with ever since. He who was waiting all along for me. He who watched us all along but never said a thing.

I know I had to choose so I come up to a huge decision. It was nineteenth of December when we met again. You were with your cap on and black jacket. We walked quietly through the rain and all I can hear that time were the raindrops on your umbrella and Ed Sheeran’s Give me Love that was playing from your phone. When we’re at the station, you took my hand and handed me the ring you always wear. My eyes were blurry because of the rain and fog, I wasn’t sure but I think I just saw a trickle of tear left your right eye.

My heart’s screaming your name, but instead I chose him because that’s what they wanted and I did it for his sake. I thought if I left him he will be devastated and you will be fine. I was wrong.

I broke your heart. I thought we could remain as friends but you change through time.

Not so long after, I remained to be with him. I knew I was happy and thought that I made the right decision, but I also knew how much I am missing you and the way we used to be. And every time we talk all I can think about was how you spoke of us in past tense.

I picked up all the letters just as when I heard the car honking downstairs. I climbed down and ran quickly to my room and stocked the bundle of letters back in the closet.

I know both of us had moved on but I still want to apologize for wasting how good we were before, for being someone who once caused you pain and to thank you that for once you made me feel special.

How I travel through different Dimensions, Time, Bodies, Galaxies and Lives.

In my almost sixteen years of existence, I already traveled different universes in different times. Machines didn’t help me do it, books did.

Reading builds me my own time machine and airplane. It gives me my own wings that helped me travel through different time lapses, dimensions, places and worlds from different galaxies. My mind has entered thousands of bodies, enacts different characters, turned to different faces. I’ve met a lot of friends and enemies. Been to many families, lived and been welcomed to lovely homes.

I have experienced to suffer pain till I cry in agony. I’ve encountered death and sorrow. I’ve watched thousands of horror and even felt isolated and abandoned. There are also the feeling of happiness when I won a lot of fights, when I met new friends, when we build different memories and experiences that is worth than a thousand treasures. But what I love about this adventure is falling in love more than once. And to experience a different kind of love story, feeling different electricity that runs through me and to fall in love over and over again is what I love about this adventure, wondering what kind of love story will happen to me in real life.