Fears

The scariest ghost that keeps watching me through my sleep, wakes me during the silence of the dark. It creeps on the walls and on the ceiling, calling my name in an eerie voice. The shrill cry of another ghost from under my bed kept bothering my soul, and the thump and bellowing of an angry soul inside the closet wakes my consciousness and my greatest fear that keeps visiting my lonely dark room every night- the one thing I can’t talk about with anyone is the character and name of my evil ghost- depression.

Concealed depression is a tricky evil clown that plays hide and seek with me in the cafeteria while eating with my friends, and during vacation on the beach side with my family. There were laughter and memories of happy events however, the ghost of mine lurks behind my back whispering threats and worst scenarios in my head. My heart was held captive by its tight grip, I was unable to breathe from stopping myself to express out.

Depression is the name I am not allowed to tell to anyone, she’s a ghost concealed within my being, cursed to her core and destined not to be told about. She changes my reflection in the mirror into her image- a spitting picture of a scary shifting exaggerated faces, tempting you to move towards her and resent the image you were originally given. This is why you’ll hate yourself, for not being enough, always not being enough.

I drift to the world unknown as my thoughts became wild and unrealistic, I came to see the beauty and emancipation from the rope in the ceiling , not worrying about the future anymore, no more tears to waste over and no more face to be scared of. I am accompanied with the lullaby which the lyrics whisper to slash my pulse not to tell anyone about it.

The voices in my head kept telling me not to worry about anything. But depression sees the worst to everything, it made me feel confused whether the ugliness she makes me see is a good thing or not. I overthink most of the time, and paranoia is striking me that makes me worry about the simple things that doesn’t even have meaning. Depression is a ghost that can be seen through a third eye placed in the cage of your heart, it is a pest that bothers you and threatens yourself, tempting you to watch the entrance of paradise and memories through jumping off a height.

All depression ever wanted is for herself to leave her alone as much as I like to leave myself alone, she doesn’t like her name. Depression- a word that is defined as worst and hated by many. A name when heard makes anyone murder their minds. Depression is a ghost locked within herself unable to free herself out of her definition and isolation. She may be haunting me but like how heavy her weight is on my shoulders, she is also a woman rejected by many and so she created a name in me.

I don’t like her company, but in the midst of the dark, in early mornings, my eyes are open listening to her eerie cries, trying to console her. And so everyday, I have to face her and listen to the songs of her shrill cry. How many  thoughts of attempt have I had to end up hanging on that rope for my ghost to leave me alone? Countless.

Published by

mdblogweb

Writing is Love!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s